Dirt

Dirt

A puzzling thought came to mind in the form of a prayer that as it fell from my mouth I began to wonder how deep it really goes. When those people whom HE calls HIS children feel at there lowest, and HE places those people with someone who goes out of their way to make them feel lower than dirt emotionally yet unintentionally, is it for the sake of revealing HIS goodness to them that they might see it. Maybe without the horrible contrast of the situation this broken heart can't see the blessings due to the agony that they feel.

I dare not go into detail because I don't want this to become an attack on anyone. That is not the point. But rather maybe some trial that you the reader are facing makes you feel like dirt. Try and look to HIM through the glassy tears in your eyes and look to HIM for the comfort that you wish would come. I know that as for me I desire something greatly and HE continues to say no. For what reason I am not sure. But the brokenness that comes with it is deep. And to be placed where someone thinks extremely low of you and says so regularly is a deep struggle. Finding reason is not easy. Sometimes we need to pick our heads up and look to HIM despite the pain of the unknown.

My unknown is my fear of loneliness. And I wonder if that is what keeps me away from my greatest of hearts desire. (blog "for my beloved")I want to be loved so bad I would give anything for it just about. I have realized that it is important to hold this love until it can be given to someone who can see it for what it is. But that is hard. I tried to give it to those who did not know what it was. Since they didn't know what this love that I have to offer was. They treated it like it was nothing special. Alot of guys say they love me seems to be the attitude. They have no clue that a man who wants to be a godly,man husband and dad is very rare. They have no idea what a man like this will do for them. So it leaves this man giving something of extreme value to someone who thinks very little of this most precious love. I guess what I want the reader to know is this. When the darkness of isolation sets in and fear is at its worst maybe that is when YHVH can reveal HIS light to you the clearest.

In closing I want to pray for someone who is special to me though I have never met her, never talked to her never chatted with her at all. I just watch her facebook and twitter accounts and the profoundness of the things she says amazes me. And I remember her saying something about be hurt by someone who should have loved her. My heart went out to her right away.

My YHVH I pray for Emma Kimberly, I pray that you will continue to grant her the peace in you that she knows so well. I pray that you would sometime grant her the desires of her heart. Father I pray that you would give her a husband that with her would create a relationship that reveals your true nature and love of relationships. I pray that Emma would be granted that gift that would reach the world and show the wisdom that a solid family is truly a gift from YOU and should not be taken lightly. I pray that you would touch her in the deepest of ways and continue to draw her ever closer to you. In the name of Yeshua Ha-mashiach Amen.